Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the fiercest hurt that one member of a couple can visit on the other. It is the most difficult from which to recover. Perhaps the major reason it is so common is that most of us have no comprehensive understanding of or set of skills for mastering the art of the intimate relationship. Somehow, we think we're just supposed to know how to do it. Clearly, a lot of us don't. At our Institute (www.slrii.com ) we work together teaching couples how to use the tools we see as necessary--most of them from Imago Relationship Therapy, developed by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt.
In his wonderful book, Outliers, Malcom Gladwell says it takes about 10,000 hours of practice to master something--a profession, sport, hobby. Ten thousand hours is the equivalent of 5 normal work years in America, since we work an average of 2000--making us the most industrious people on earth.
We easily invest that kind of time as children learning to master our favorite sport or musical instrument. As adults, we assume we'll have to make a similar investment to become a masterful doctor, lawyer, writer, nurse, teacher, carpenter and so on. But most of us have 0 hours on a formal path to relationship mastery. In fact, many people do not even think about the fact that falling in love is involuntary and takes no particular talent or courage. In contrast, standing up and walking in love is a choice and takes both in abundance, as well as a full commitment to go out into the world and find the kind of teachers, coaches and therapists who can nurture them through the steps to mastery.
An excerpt from my poem, The Choice, from Love Over 60 (see the video on the Videos of Bob link from the home page)

I choose you and only you,
your nightmare,
your daybreak,
your grief and glory
and no other's,
your wildness and willfulness,
your shadows and blood
and no other's
ever.
I choose Love's incomprehensible perfection
manifest in you, only you.

C 2011 Bob Kamm