for Annie
From
the deepest place
within me
I am listening
I am listening
to you…
from
the place of firsts
first sensations
feelings
images
voices
the place
before words
and
the place where first words emerged
from cooing
and soft gazes
when
their meanings were wet
and clear
as the eyes of a child
witnessing his first rain.
I am listening from
this place
of
first encounters
the way small children do
sitting on a curb
close enough
to hear each other’s breathing
every
little sound of lip and tongue
close enough to lift an
eyelash from a cheek.
Listening and looking
from this place
I hear you
I see you
as you
and only you
discovering
you
as you
discover yourself
both
the little girl
raising a bouquet of lavender
to her father’s troubling
gaze
and the woman
who asks that I be a better
person
and face
her
with soft eyes.
In this place
I feel your
truth
in a way that is self-affirming
free of judgment
or
interpretation
and calls me to
give you
all
that is within my reach
and much
that is just beyond it.
I thought I was a winged being
but find I am just now
shimmying
from my chrysalis.
From the deepest place within me
I am speaking
I am speaking
to you
from the place of my first awakenings
to the love and hurt
my mother carried
from her
own first place
my father from his
my older brothers
grandparents, aunts, uncles,
cousins,
my neighbors, classmates,
coaches and teachers
the town’s shop owners and policemen
everyone, it seemed,
each and all carrying
their
gifts and unassuaged needs
into their lives
and mine
gifts
and cracked pieces of themselves
that
became the stones of my path
the giant trees
slopes and cliffs
I climbed
the rivers
glens and woods
I crossed
to arrive here
in this moment
in the glades
of your eyes.
From this place,
my love,
my words, pace,
tones and gestures
will be
to the best of my striving
Love’s
choices
so
you can readily receive
what I share
discover me
as I discover
myself
and both of us affirm
that while you may
unwittingly
rub against
an abiding loss or injury
from those early days
you are
free from blame.
The transgression happened long ago
and though it still lives in me
and often resists revelation
you
were
not
even
there.
You were in your own first place
trying to hold on to
your own truth.
Speaking from my first place
revealing
the small boy
placing a spray
of
forget-me-nots
at the feet of his busy mother
I can
reveal what is real for the man
in a clean request
you can answer
or
decline
for you are as free to say no
as
yes.
Now
we meet
face
to face
each of us arriving from
a place of firsts
into this new one
we create
together
with willingness and wonder
tenderness
reflection
and remembrance
each bringing offerings of
words
waiting
listening
silence
this place
where mingled
tears
remake
us
to
glisten
in the morning sun
this place
where we
name each other
as
if whispering
Eden's first words
this place
where wild compassion
blooms
from consciousness
and
from compassion
connection.
Bob Kamm 12/14